


Please don't take my sunshine away

by tabbytabbytabby



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 3 [15]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: At Least As Hopeful As I Could Give It, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, I cried writing this, I'm Sorry, Loss, M/M, Sad, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: As Jenna deals with a terrible loss, she reflects and sings.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar & Liam Dunbar’s Mother, Liam Dunbar's Mother & Theo Raeken, Liam Dunbar's Mother/Dr. Geyer, Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 3 [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1485908
Comments: 11
Kudos: 18





	Please don't take my sunshine away

**Author's Note:**

> For the flashbacks space of Bad Things Happen Bingo.
> 
> Big thanks to Mary who took my idea and then made it so much worse, but in the best way.
> 
> Title and lyrics from the song You Are My Sunshine. There are many, but I listened to the [Kina Grannis cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZBB6s1pQBg) while writing this. And also changed the lyrics in a couple places to make it fit. I also listened to [Fly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i11qQoHuLi0) by Celine Dion if anyone wants some added pain

_“Will you sing it for me again mama?”_

_Jenna smiles, brushing the hair back from Liam’s forehead. “Of course sweetheart.”_

_It doesn’t matter that she’s sang the song four times already, all the way through to the end each time, at Liam’s insistence. She’d sing it ten more if it made him happy._

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make happy when skies are gray…_

* * *

“Mom,” Jenna blinks, bringing herself out of the memory. She’s forced back to the reality in front of her. To the question that left Liam’s lip. She looks down at the sweet boy in her arms and smiles as she brushes the hair from his face as she’s done so many times before. It’s different now, of course. How could it not be?

“Yes sweetheart?” 

“Will you sing to me?” he says, softly, too softly. “Like you used to.”

“Of course sweetheart,” Jenna whispers.

“All the way through to the end?”

“Always.”

Jenna closes her eyes, trying to gather the strength she needs to do this. She knows what’s happening here. She’s not a fool. Liam’s blood is coating her hands and staining her clothes and carpet. Not that it matters. It’s all insignificant compared to Liam.

_The other night dear, as I lay sleeping  
I dreamed I held you in my arms  
But when I awoke dear, I was mistaken  
So I hung my head and cried_

She always said she’d sing it as many times as Liam wanted, as long as it made him happy. Now she swears she’ll sing it forever if it keeps his eyes open just a little longer. If it keeps him alive. Alive long enough for the ambulance to arrive. Alive long enough for Theo to get here and say goodbye. It’s an unrealistic thought. She has enough medical knowledge to know Liam’s pulse is too slow. The time between each breath too long. He doesn’t have much time, and that’s enough to almost break her. But she just keeps singing knowing it’s all she can do. 

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are gray  
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don’t take my sunshine away_

“I love you,” Liam whispers, barely a breath. “Tell Theo… I...I....”

“I will.” Jenna says, wiping away the tears spilling down her cheeks, forgetting for a moment her hands are still coated in Liam’s blood. That just makes the tears fall harder, and this time she lets them fall. “I love you too, my sweet boy.”

“Need to finish,” Liam murmurs.

Jenna nods, and clears her throat. She keeps singing. When she finishes, she starts again. She rests her head against Liam’s, keeping her fingers pressed to his neck, clinging to any faint pulse against them as it fades and fades and fades…

* * *

_The sound of loud cries fill the room and Jenna smiles through her exhaustion as the nurse places the tiny bundle into her arms. She moves the blanket back and looks down at the pink skin and plump cheeks, holding her son close. The cries cut short as he blinks his eyes open, and for the first time she see the blue eyes that will become her light. Her life._

_“Hello, Liam, my sunshine,” she says, brushing a finger across his cheek. “I’m your mom.”_

_She hums softly, a song slow and familiar. One her own father used to sing to her as a girl. The smile never leaves her lips as she gazes adoringly down at the precious boy in her arms. Her sunshine. Her Liam._

* * *

The door bangs open, but Jenna doesn’t move. She keeps looking down at Liam, at his blue eyes staring straight ahead. The eyes that had once been full of life and love. There’s no light in them left now. 

“Liam,” Theo whispers, falling to his knees next to him. “Liam.”

Jenna just keeps singing. She promised Liam she would always finish the song, and she’d only just started when he… when he… but no. She has to finish.

“Jenna? Can I…?”

Theo rests a hand on her shoulder and Jenna shakes her head. “No. No. I have to finish. I told him I’d always finish the song. I have to finish the song.”

“Okay,” Theo says quietly. “Why don’t I finish it with you?”

Jenna looks away from Liam for the first time, her gaze frantic as she takes in Theo. His eyes are wet and red-rimmed, and no doubt he must be feeling some of the same pain she is right now. He loves Liam so much. She nods. “I think he’d like that.”

“Okay,” Theo says. “Where are we at?”

“The third verse,” she says, nodding to herself.

_You told me once, dear, you really loved me  
And no one else could come between  
But now you’ve left me and life forever  
You shattered all of my dreams_

Together, they sing, filling the room with their soft voices. Jenna tells herself that Liam can hear them. That he hears their one last song for him and he’s smiling like he always did. That he knows how much they both love him. 

When it’s done, Theo cries. He rests his head against Liam’s as his shoulders shake with the force of his sobs. Jenna reaches out and rubs his back with the hand not still resting against Liam’s neck. As if suddenly something with change and his heart will start beating again. 

It never does. 

"I didn't kiss him goodbye," Theo whispers brokenly. "I always kissed him before I left for work. But this morning, I was late and angry so I...I just left. And now he's gone, and I'll never get to kiss him again."

“He knows how much you love him,” Jenna says. “He told me to tell you that, and that he loves you.”

Liam might not have ever got the words out, but she knows that’s where he was going. Even in his last moments, his thoughts were on Theo. They loved each other so deeply, of course Liam would want him to know that.

“I just can’t believe the last time I talked to him it was a fight,” Theo says, looking up at her with tears streaming down his anguished face. “If I’d known…”

“I know,” Jenna says. “And he did too. Never doubt that he knew you loved him.”

“Love him,” Theo says. “I’ll always love him.”

“Can we sing again?” Jenna asks him.

Theo nods, “Yeah. Sure.”

They’re still singing, their voices hoarse and broken, when David walks in later. He hugs them both as they all cry, surrounding Liam. They’re still singing as the coroner’s arrive to take Liam away. Jenna fights them then, clinging to Liam’s body the moment some strange hand dares to touch him.

“No!” she screams, pulling him closer to her chest. “No, you can’t have him.”

“Jenna,” David says, his voice breaking around the words. “Sweetheart, I know it’s hard…”

“He’s my baby,” she says. “Our baby, David.”

“I know,” David says, hugging her tightly. “I know.”

“And he’s gone. Our baby is gone.”

“Yes, he is. And I know it hurts…”

“We can’t let them take him,” Jenna cuts in. “He always hated the cold, David. We can’t let them put in that cold.”

David shakes around her, and Jenna thinks of Liam’s small body shivering the year they’d went to visit David’s family in New York during Christmas break. He’d stood on the sidewalk, looking small in his too big coat, as snow fell heavily around them. 

“I never want to be cold again, mama,” he’d told her. 

“I promised him he’d never be that cold again. I can’t… and what’s colder than death?” she whispers. 

“He won’t feel it,” Theo says.

“Theo,” David chides.

But it’s perfectly reasonable. Logical. “He’s right,” Jenna says. She looks down at Liam’s face. He’s still staring blankly ahead. He doesn’t see, so of course he won’t feel the cold. Just like he can’t feel her hands on him, or the kisses Theo keeps pressing against his face. He’s gone, and that’s the cold reality. 

She reaches over and closes his eyes, knowing that she’ll never see blue eyes she loves ever again. They weren’t Liam’s eyes anymore anyway.

* * *

_The rain patters against the roof as the storm rages outside. Jenna barely pays it any mind as she sits alone in the kitchen. The mug of tea in her hands has long gone cold. She’d made it out of habit. It was something she’d always do after a long day to help herself relax. There’s another empty mug across from her, something she’d put there as she has so many times before now. Before her mind caught up with her and it hit her sudden and sharp that there would be no one joining her._

_She sighs, puts the mug down,_ _and runs a hand down her face. The past few weeks have been some of the hardest of her life. Losing her husband at only 25 hadn’t ever been something she’d planned on. She’d always envisioned them growing old together while raising Liam. But life had other plans._

_The hardest part of all of this has been Liam, and figuring out just how to tell a five year old his daddy wasn’t coming home. He’d taken it better than she’d expected. Certainly better than she is sometimes. He’s cried, sure, but for the most part he seems okay. Sometimes she wonders if he really grasps the loss._

_She turns at the sound of quiet footsteps on the carpet behind her. Liam is standing there, clad in his snowman pajamas he insists on wearing year round. She opens her arms and he immediately crawls into her lap. “Everything okay sweetheart?”_

_“Do you think daddy can hear us?” Liam asks her,_ _the question not quite what she had been expecting._

_She brushes a hand through his hair and nods, “I think so.”_

_“I think so too,” Liam says. “I talked to him tonight before I went to sleep.”_

_“Oh? And what did you say?”_

_“I just wanted him to know that I love him,” Liam says. “And I won’t forget him.”_

_“I’m sure he knows that Liam,” Jenna says, kissing the top of his head._

_“I wanted him to know I’ll look out for you,” Liam tells her. “That I’ll always be here to protect you.”_

_Jenna leans down and meets his eyes, “We’ll look out for each other.”_

_“Forever?”_

_Jenna nods and hugs him closer, “Of course. I’m always going to be here for you, Liam. Nothing will hurt you as long as I’m around.”_

_“Me too.”_

* * *

It rains the day of Liam’s funeral, much as it had rained the day they buried his father. Liam had said that day it was because the sky was sad just like they are, and that it was his dad crying too because he misses them just like they miss him. The thought had brought her a little comfort then, knowing that her son had that hope to cling to. She tries to let it bring her comfort now. 

But it’s hard.

She looks down at the young man in the coffin and tries not to flinch. He barely looks like Liam. His face is too pale and done up. She knows why they do it, to hide the effects of death the best they can. But no amount of makeup and perfume will hide the fact that Liam is gone. 

Nothing will make it easier. Because there will never be anything to make the loss of a child easy. And she doesn’t want it to be easy. Easy would mean letting go and just accepting her son is gone. She’s not ready to do that.

When the time comes, she gets to her feet and walks to the front. She’d thought over what she could say so many times. The words that she could speak to convey her loss, and all the love she felt for Liam. Nothing ever seemed adequate. It still doesn’t.

“No parent should ever have to bury their child,” she says. “It’s not right to have to get up here and talk about Liam. He’d laugh about this whole thing. Say how dumb it is. That half the people here probably didn’t even really know him, not really. And it’s the truth. People just flock together after someone dies, wanting to give themselves some form of comfort and make themselves feel better. That’s all this is, isn’t it? This isn’t for Liam. Not really.” David walks up and rests a hand on her back, as if to lead her away. She shakes her head. “No, I’m not… I’m not done.” she looks out into the crowd, taking in Liam’s friends, Theo. He sits there with his head bowed, looking as distraught as the day Liam had died. “I know so many of you did love him though. You saw the same strength and beauty in my little boy as I did. Sometimes he’d say that the darkness followed him, but I don’t think so. All I saw when I looked at him was a bright light. My sunshine. And that light was snuffed out far too soon. I’ll never be okay with that.”

She squares her shoulders and walks down the aisle, past her seat and everyone gathered, straight out the doors. She stands there, on the small porch, looking out at the rain pouring down against the asphalt. For a moment, she’s thirteen years younger, standing in this same spot and watching as they brought her husband’s coffin out to the hearse. Liam had been at her side then, his hand feeling so small in hers. 

She almost jumps when she feels another hand slide into hers. She turns her head to see Theo standing her. He doesn’t meet her eyes, just watches as they start to load Liam away. 

“He really would hate all of this,” Theo says.

“Not as much as we do,” she replies.

David appears a few minutes later, umbrella in hand. Together, the three of them walk down the stairs, out into the rain, to the car. David waits until she gets in, before shutting her door and running around to the driver’s seat. He slips inside, and then just sits there, hands gripping the steering wheel tight. 

Not for the first time she realizes how hard this all is on him. Yet he’s stood strong by her side, her unwavering rock. She reaches over and places a hand on his arm, “I love you.”

He meets her gaze, and drops one of his hands from the wheel to cover hers. “I love you.”

The drive to the cemetery is quiet. The ache in Jenna’s chest grows to something heavier, making each breath more difficult. But she powers on. She has no choice but to do it. She has to be strong, for herself and her family.

But it’s not easy. Especially not when it’s all over, and the cold reality of it all finally has to settle in.

Jenna watches as the coffin disappears into the ground. People start leaving, each placing a hand on her shoulder and offering some form of condolences. She barely hears them past the blood rushing through her ears. It’s too much. It’s all too much. Once they start piling the dirt on, Liam will be gone. 

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “No.”

She runs forward and bends down next to the grave. The coffins at the bottom now. Her baby is down her. She doesn’t think before removing her shoes and turning around and crawling into the grave.

“Jenna!”

She ignores the calls of her name as she lays herself over the cold wood and hugs it tightly. “I’m so sorry,” she cries. “Liam I am so sorry.” She’s still crying as she starts to sing, hoping that somehow her words will reach him.

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are gray  
You'll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away_

There’s a sudden movement next to her and then a hand on her back. Much as she wants to hope, she knows it’s not Liam. There’s only one other person that would be crazy enough to jump into the grave with her. “You can’t make me leave him, Theo.”

“Jenna,” Theo says.

“He’s my baby and I can’t leave him in the dark,” Jenna cries. “I can’t.”

Theo rests his head against hers. He’s crying just as hard as she is. “I don’t want to leave him either. I wish I could just stay here and let them bury me with him. I wish I didn’t have to be rational right now.”

“Then don’t.”

“I have to,” Theo chokes out. “Because I love you. Liam _loves_ you. He wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself.”

“We don’t know what Liam would want because he’s dead,” Jenna snaps. 

Theo inhales sharply, and before she knows it’s he’s taking gasping breaths, his sobs choked as he grips the coffin hard. 

“Where are they?” Jenna hears David call. “Jenna? Theo?”

Jenna closes her eyes, for a moment hoping he won’t see them down here. That they’ll just leave and let the earth take her. But then her eyes land on Theo, taking in his grief stricken face. And she gets it. She gets why Theo couldn’t leave her down her. Liam wouldn’t want him to. Just as she knows Liam wouldn’t want her to leave Theo down her like this either. 

“Here!” she calls out. “We’re down here.”

Theo meets her gaze and she reaches a hand up and brushes the hair back from his face, “He wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself either.”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this,” Theo chokes out.

“I don’t either,” she replies. “But we’ll figure it out together.”

* * *

Thunder rumbles overhead in the gray sky and Jenna smiles to herself as it starts to sprinkle. “And here comes the rain.”

“Why does it always seem to rain when we come here?” Theo asks. One hand is holding the umbrella above them, while the other is in hers as they navigate down the path.

“Liam once said that it was because the sky was sad just like we are,” Jenna says. “And the people we lost are crying because they miss us too.”

Theo smiles, “That’s absolutely ridiculous. But,” he looks at the sky and shakes his head. “It’s a nice thought.”

“I know you don’t believe in all that,” Jenna says gently.

“No, but I believe in Liam,” Theo says. “And I have to think he’s somewhere better than this place.”

Jenna has to believe that too. Along with that, the hope that one day she’ll see her song again. Theo too. After everything, they deserve to be reunited. 

It’s been two years since they lost Liam, and each day since has been a challenge. Some days are harder than others, like Liam’s birthday and Christmas. Days when his absence was wide and gaping and hard to ignore. 

During that time, she and Theo have ventured here together often to visit Liam. Both of them have comfort in that somehow. David comes too when he can, of course. But today is just for them. To anyone else, it would be a random day, but Jenna knows better. 

They stop in front of the grave and Theo smiles, dropping her hand to brush across the wet concrete, “Hey, Li. We’re here, and I know what you're probably thinking. Yes, _again_.” He looks over at Jenna, who smiles. “But today is special. Because on this day, four years ago, I looked at you and realized I loved you. I realized that somehow you broke through all the walls I built and made me feel again. And somehow you looked at me with that knowing smile of yours and said you loved me too, before I could even get the words out. You always knew me like that.”

Jenna steps closer and rests a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. “He really did love you so much, Theo.”

Theo nods, “I know. And I loved him so damn much too. He was a light in my darkness. Like my…” 

“Your sunshine,” Jenna says.

Theo laughs wetly and meets her gaze, “Yeah. My sunshine.”

“You know what I think he would like right now,” Jenna says.

“You’re going to ask me to sing, aren’t you?”

Jenna laughs and knocks her shoulder with his, “I am. But only if you want to.”

Theo looks back down at the grave and nods, taking a deep breath. “I think he’d like it, and I would too.”

So together, they start singing, their voices carrying through the quiet of the rain. Jenna hopes that wherever Liam is he can hear them. 

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are gray  
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don’t take my sunshine away_

Above them, the sun comes out.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> You can find me [here on tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


End file.
